sanity?

when i am around people, i feel like i have to shake them up, drag them into reality

or just avoid their spirit altogether

i feel like if we are going to coexist i will have to out-insane them

by holding up a mirror, saying every real thing in my mind out loud

i am not a fear-motivated person

and it seems rare to not be motivated by fear

and men and women are very different when motivated by something besides fear,
something like purpose

and when fear is not the motivator, men and women can be as different as can be and it is not a problem at all because they can see each other and see the usefulness of each other

but when men and women are just trying to escape their fear, they are both fighting for the same tiny tiny safe space and see each other as rivals and enemies and shit gets real bad. lovers can share the safe space for a while, but then one or the other will get extra scared and take more and the other person will just be out there afraid and alone

i dont know what can could should happen

and i don't even care

and it feels 

GOOOOOOOOOD

to not care one bit

what any of this means

it's happening

that's all

i'm already here