Proximity

When you are nearby, I begin to lose my mind-

which is good because the mind is a temporary fix built to be shed

When I start to shed it, it doesn’t weigh anything

Ego says our minds should feel heavy when we lay them down

Ego wants the burden of our mind to be a burden on the world

But I find the sensation to be more like smoke

Even more so like a comet’s tail.

Beauty explodes my mind

I cannot operate in my old manner when you are near

But my old manner was fear

When you are near I feel out of control

And all I can do is admit to myself over and

over again that I never had any control.

It is as if the power has gone out and, accepting,

I don’t feel inclined to try and get the lights back on ASAP.

I sit in the dark with you

I want to know what makes you smile

Because when you smile I am not afraid of anything

I try to be beautiful

Because I am allowed to be now that I am not afraid.

I thought I already knew how

I try to figure out if I was right, still not sure

It doesn’t matter

Trying to be beautiful means I am trying to be alive