Bad Gig

after the disaster on the west coast, the Boogie Brothers returned to homebase with a powerful hankering for anonymity. Freddie was the first to say it aloud, but they both knew. the Boogie Bros were sure as hell through in Oregon.
Teddie Boogie was reminiscing about "some broad he had scoped" out west, a shapely young thing.
"That's it!," exclaimed Freddie.
The boys went right back to Oregon without even changing their hair. this time they had on tuxedos and shiny black shoes instead of the sandals and snoshy hippie garb from before. this time instead of skulking around the service entrances with their gear, they went in the front door of the Doug Fir and ordered martinis. they had some strapping amazonian mamas lug in their gear, which terrified everyone.
as they sat sipping their martinis, another person, quite short in stature and seeming to never remain very still came in after them stripping bills from an impressive wad. he paid the girls who had carried the gear. then he paid the bartender. then entered two more ladies almost wearing ballroom gowns, daredevil turns all over those things. one produced a silk scarf and mopped the short man's brow. the two ladies escorted the short man back out into the street.
soon, the curiosity in the lounge overcame one woman, a well-to-do woman of about 45, tittering as she came.
"well you boys must be in a band... what do you call yourselves?"
"boog-"
"well, my lady," Freddie interupted, "this is my colleague Dick, Dick Shapely. and my name is Maxwell Shapely and we go by the rather inevitable name the Shapely Brothers."
"oh delightful! what is it that you play?"
"pardon?"
"i say, what IS it that you play?"
"what is what that we play?"
oh, what instruments do you play?"
"oh, my colleague and i both play the grand piano."
"the grandest pianos," chimed in Teddie.
"yes, we will not play a grand piano less than twenty feet long. why, any other instrument would be emasculating, dont you think?"
"well i suppose so," agreed the woman, "but dont you think that two grown men sitting together at a grand piano is a bit mmmm homosexual?"
"gah!" Freddie flailed in his chair as though he had been struck on the back of the head with an electric eel swung by its tail.
"oh my, you seem to offended my colleague quite dearly. of course you understand my dear that we each have a grand piano? there are two of them and two of us."
"oh, yes, well that is quite something wonderful then."
Freddie, sputtering, "did you just... i...
i... lady..."
Freddie fell over like a skyscraper made of thawed fish. Teddie produced a checkered scarf from a pocket inside his coat and instantly two large human beings walked in the front door. one picked up Freddie and carried him out, the other approached the tittering woman and maced her. of course she was surprised, being well-to-do. as the pain subsided and she was able to gather her wits enough to threaten Teddie with do-you-know-who-i-ams, Teddie and the large person waited patiently. when the woman's indignation reached a certain pitch, he ordered her maced again, whereupon they casually left the lounge.

the performance that night was well attended. perhaps this would be hard to anticipate except that earlier in the day they had maced the mayor of Portland Oregon's wife twice. the Boogie Brothers remodeled as the Shapely Brothers played all of their old material on two very large pianos. in fact, the pianos were so large that they could not see each other. for some reason, the presence of these extremely large pianos was something the workers designated to sound equipment could not get a grip on.
the fellows were almost completely unable to hear each other and carried on almost independent of the other. of course, anyone who had followed the Boogie Brothers would not have expected otherwise, but the fans of the Shapely Brothers were quite disappointed.
some began to boo. the sound of boo soon occupied the greater percentage of volume in the room than the breathable air. the Shapely Brothers were oblivious. this drove their detractors mad.
when they had finished, Teddie finished one minute and 38 seconds ahead of Freddie but patiently and motionlessly waited, they each arose. and not acknowledging the audience, lit cigars and strolled towards the exit at the back of the stage.
one especially disappointed music goer accosted the performers, calling them charlatans and blocking their path. the Shapely Brothers, without hesitation, simultaneously punched the man to the ground. Teddie had struck a pressure point to the side of his neck and Freddie had fractured one of his ribs. and there he lay with his opinions.
the Shapely Brothers went outside where they found the amazonian women from before, angry. the short man had offended them, made a grab at their bodies. he stood by a wall smoking a fragrant something or other. Freddie gave him a vial and he imbibed it. immediately he grabbed at his throat gasping for air, he fell to the ground changing color. the amazons smirked satisfied and walked off. Freddie gave the short man a second vial which he readily accepted. this restored his composure.
the women in ballroom gowns returned. these were the Shapely Brothers' wives, at least in the made-up realm of show business in which the Shapely Brothers dwelt. the Shapely Brothers removed their coats and handed these to the women.
next the shiny black shoes and so forth until they were standing both stark naked there in the alley behind the venue. the audience by now had begun to spill onto this scene, too confused to continue booing disappointed.
two grown men naked, natural, casually smoking fine cigars in the alley behind a music house, two lithe women in exploding ballroom gowns holding the entirety of their mock husband's evening ensemble.
two cars approached, one for each couple. they drove away, the performance was over. the audience went home.
back at homebase, the fellows sat in silence and realized at the same time that they were ruined in Oregon for the 28th time.
their real wives came in to console them. their real wives were the dishy dames in the runaway gowns except these women werent wearing ballroom gowns, they were wearing velour trench coats with tiny silent televisions for buttons. none of the televisions were picking up channels. the government had decreed that all television would be digital. this decree was made the day after the trench coats had gone into production. the televisions were useless then. the velour trench coats could be picked up for cheap. the women each had 43 of these coats in every style imaginable.
the women were also geniuses, they invented ear rings which doubled as transmitters, so that the television buttons could display the wearer's thoughts. the Boogie wives had studied the art of making one's mind dead, so they could not be betrayed by the television buttons. this study had taken place before the acquisition of the velour trench coat factory, it was incidental to the business venture, but useful anyway.