Cross Training

so, an athlete guy is at a bar and he meets this chick and they do some making out and over-the-clothes et cetera, and he is really into this girl and then she bails all of a sudden, oh, kinda like Cinderella, and all he has to identify her is cross tattoo on her upper leg.
so this bothers the guy and he starts to suck at his sport, thinking about this girl.
finally his coach chews his ass and he snaps out of it and is good at his sport again.
then his team gets a new player and he really hits it off with him. after several games, they're like best friends. then one day after a game they're in the showers, he sees the cross tattoo on the guy's leg.
"hey, bro, you dont have a twin sister do you?"
"no."
"weird. i have seen that tattoo before, some chick at the bar."
"oh shit! that WAS you! i was so drunk. i knew i'd seen you somewhere before."
"yo, what?! i kissed a dude?"
"yeah, it was hot."

so then of course they cant be best friends anymore and dude sucks at his sport again.

then aliens come and abduct the whole arena and challenge the team to a game.
except that there's a laser cloud in the shower room that makes all the players imbecilic.
but the two main dudes werent in the showers with the rest, the one guy because he is having a sexual identity crisis and the other because the team asks him to shower alone after the fall-out from before.
so, the two guys who made out have to put away their beef, unintended pun, and carry the team to victory. kinda like Space Jam.
and after they win, they make out in front of everybody and the arena gasps and then cheers wildly.
then when they get back to earth, the christian right who pulls the teams' purse strings threatens to pull out, unintended pun, so the team has to let the loverdudes go.
so then as the credits roll, they are seen riding off on a donkey together and it is understood that they will travel west and establish a town for other outcast homosexual professional athletes and somehow dishing out a unique brand of mercenary justice would usually come into play. oh, and the place would be so thick with aphorisms and platitudes that your horse'd change color. i dont know how we establish that with a single shot of two dudes riding away on a donkey but that isnt my job.